Thinking today and the life I had,all the days that I lived, I often asked myself why do I still smile and still maintain being happy on the outside but having a messed up life everyday as soon as I opened my eyes.I wonder why>?
Maybe I just got too much hormone and maybe life is just like that for me?hmm I wonder hehe~~…
But things for me are just not like what it seems on the outside.Yes,it’s true, God blessed me with a happy heart and that what I need in my studies He blessed me (that why sometime ppl hate me and called me ‘Smarty’ because I study little yet excelled a lot).But really what it is me on the outside,my achievement,my success are really not the things I needed..I may need it years ago but not now.
I always think back and wonder why does ppl only see the happy side of me but nvr tried to know in-depth of me being sad..And it gets me thinking I’m living all alone on myself and that expecting help from ppl is totally absurd, let alone to mention idiotic.
For years, my mindset had been rock solid upon the foundation of not expecting pity and anything from anyone because no one tried to understand the burden..but when I stopped and think back everything,THE HECK…I’m not the only one having problem herrre ok!
Yeah it’s true…
When I’m sad my mind only gravitates of loneliness and the need of being pitied…
But I looked and see around,
My neighbour had her husband undergoing cancer treatment and left with a few months to live.And yet here am I thinking everything will go well..and from the outside,it does look so until I discovered myself it really is not from what it seems..
My friend lived a happy life and many frens surrounded him cause he really is friendly and he cares for his friends very much.But one day I discovered that he kept all the problem from us and that days after days he was struggling to find true friends..I mean how the heck in the world could I see that when he was the center of attention and yet still feeling inadequate of true friends..but when I looked at him, I know what he was going through is for real…and I thanked God because he is recovering, slow but for real
Another close friend of mine looks absolutely cool and friendly on the outside.She’s the most cheerful person in fact that I’ve known and met and she really has a wonderful character.But one day she told me that she asked why is it still that she must live if life is so darn stressful and not to mention, stressful beyond words..At times she despairs very much about life as well but the same reason praised God for she had recovered..
What am I getting here?It’s so simple but yet undeniably complicated…None of us really know each other problem…
Yes we may feel awfully lonely when we are going through the deepest problem in our life..But really asked yourself this (because I asked it to myself often)…If really someone understood you very well, what could he/she do so much as you could be ‘all of a sudden’ happy?
I could think of none…
Don’t ever give up if things are really low..All quite things will be loud eventually and all Loud things will eventually end up quiet.In as much as skies are filled with fireworks,the clouds will be visible again..
Being lonely is common when we are alone…But yeah…It doesn’t mean that you must be miserable for it..You can always talk to someone…XD
Because life is like that when we have problem..
It always is blurry and cloudy,
Until we really learn how to appreciate and love it
LOVE LIFE!
(because it’s worth doing so!)
-In support of Anti-suicide!-
Foldforever!
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